Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
