farters have to be the big spoon...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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