So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
