Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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