Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
