I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
