he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
