Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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