I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
