So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
FUCK WHALES
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
