I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
