I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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