i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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