Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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