I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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