Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
