so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
