Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
