i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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