People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
