some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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