I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
