I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize