six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
