Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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