I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
