so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
