Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
