I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
