I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
