We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
