I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
