even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
