i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
