i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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