Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
