peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
