She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
