You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
