non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
