So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
