I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
