I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
