You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
