I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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