How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
