I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
