He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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