so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish you could order shots online.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
