I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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