I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
