The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
