Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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