I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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