idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
