Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
