I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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