Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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