he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
