Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I deserve this hangover.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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