Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
