Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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