I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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