Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
