I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
