these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i think i just lost a toe
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
