i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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