Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
