i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
