so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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