So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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