i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
