Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
