You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
