new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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