he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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